Head Cold, Returned to TOPS

197.0
Went back to TOPS last night. Even with my head cold and how crappy I was feeling I went to weigh in, check the damage, set a new number and move forward.  It's amazing to me that I can spend so much time looking back and "wishing" I were at a better weight...... I just need to focus on today instead. There really isn't anything I can do about the past, but today can happen the way I want it to.
Positive: I have successfully kept off 30+ pounds for years.
             : I weighed in fully dressed UNDER 200.
             : I have reconnected with this blog.
Goal setting. I want to set goals in a new and positive way. I'm going to make a daily list and feel good when I am able to cross something off.
In my personal life I am very happy to close the door on 2013. It stops the bad events from following me. Silly? Maybe. I feel each year has its own box that I can put on a shelf and forget about. I only will put the things I don't want cluttering my brain. The good stuff I keep year over year.
Today's List:
3 large servings of vegetables
No trip to Timmy's for tea
I will not let my emotions of the day dictate my food intake (hard to cross off a list.....)
I will ask the family for help choosing a good supper

Packing Packing Packing

Not packing per se, just sorting, cleaning and preparing. The packing will happen later tonight once the pug is tucked in for the night. What he doesn't see won't make him nervous. ;-)
While I'm busy I'm trying to listen to a book on CD. It's for my book club and it's just okay so far...... I'm trying to stick with it though!
A great quote from it though
It's easier to see something coming when it's not headed directly at you

I will have to ponder that more........and acknowledge that it's something I should try to pay more attention to.

Not Exactly a Welcome Sight! Weight: 191.4

I knew supper was salty, but really? THAT salty?? We had pulled pork sandwiches and oriental cabbage salad. I didn't have a bun! I just ate salad, about 1/4 - 1/3 pulled pork and a whole sliced avocado for supper. No night snacking, reasonable eats all day long. My reward for a fine day of eating? B-I-G gain. Sigh. More reasons not to let the scale define a person right? I could react my usual way..... But today instead I will continue with my plan. Eat less and move more. I will add a lot more water to my day. Now I'm trying to decide if my scale is coming on the trip with me.........I always do better weighing myself daily, but real estate in the car is at an all time premium. How would I tell the teen aged girls to leave the hair products if they saw me packing a bathroom scale??? Anyone reading this who doesn't understand scale vs. brain will now be shaking their heads.......

I will hopefully report a much better number tomorrow!

Anxious for Tomorrow's Scale Reading

I'm actually anxious to see what the scale reads tomorrow. I feel a bit different about food these days. It sort of feels like its been put "in it's place". I'm thrilled to report that many of my tasks required to get ready for holidays are complete and the biggest obstacle is gone. I thought I had to do a 1.5 hour road trip to take my dog to my daughter for the week. Turns out she is visiting her friend here in town and she will just pack up the dog and take him back with her! Three hours round trip saved yeah! I brought up my disappointment with the holiday, and my husband spoke to the girls and I feel so much better. I'm trying so hard to stick with my feelings and FEEL THEM. Not eat them. Reading some blogs of some amazing people has helped so much. I wish I could hug them.
 Until tomorrow..... Fingers crossed for a new low on the scale!

My Pantry is a Disaster Weight: 189.8

I wish I could put a picture of my pantry here, maybe I'll ask one of my kids to help me figure out how....... But then they might read this blog........then I'd have to be careful of what I say........

I guess I will just have to clean my pantry and get over it. I have so much to do today and tomorrow. It's not going to get done.

I'm eating a nectarine, getting out ingredients to make banana muffins and blogging. And making my list of what I have to get done.  I am starving. Yes, there is hunger but the feeling is actually stress. I do know the difference if I stop to think about it. I've decided to make myself breakfast, sit down and eat. That way snacking won't be an option. I will complete my list too........

Second Post, Lots of Garbage Today!! :)

I've noticed a big difference in my hunger since I started this blog. Is that normal? I don't seem to be quite as focused on eating and I'm not stalking the pantry as often. Please tell me writing out this stuff is helping!

My sisters case worker told me I had to take EVERY suicide comment seriously and phone 911 after I hang up with her........ I would phone 100% of the times we talk. Does this seem a reasonable action? Wouldn't a more reasonable and health. Are effective action be to intensify her structured therapy? Maybe an EMT for a room mate? Yes, that is a creepy thi g to say but really I think that this case worker needs to talk to my sister about throwing that phrase around like that instead of telling me to call 911. Ah well. I will have to talk to my other sister and see what she's got to say about it all. We are trying very hard to work as a united team in this challenge. Oh, here comes the hubs and we are off to the trailer! Gotta check our damages.

Garbage Day: Weight 190.8

Wrong Direction Tessie! :(

The scale is showing day before yesterday's horrible eating. The good part is yesterday was much better and even though I was certainly challenged with emotions I CHOSE much better. 

Saturday we will leave home for a week and go to the mountains. It's been years since I did that, and was looking so forward to a nice romantic week with my sweetie. Through a series of events that romantic wine tour through the Okanagan countryside turned into a week at my cousins place complete with three teen girls. While I'm excited, I'm also selfishly sad. My girls have never had this opportunity so I really cant be a total creep about it. AND there is the cruise in December for my birthday. Nobody will be coming with us for that!! It sounds like I don't like my kids, and that's sooooo not true....... But I also don't think it is going on holidays when I end up cooking daily for five people! We did that in Hawaii, got a condo and all I did was buy groceries and prepare food. Some day I will miss these things won't I !! I've said right up front that there is no way we are going to have big meals at the house. It will be too hot for one and also clean up is too much of an argument. I'm planning on making the best granola bars in the world later today..... And then perhaps scouting some recipes for breakfast muffins. I don't want to take a ton of food but also don't want to be left without good choices. There you have it, the reason I cook and prepare is not because of them but because of ME AND MY CONTROLLING FOOD ISSUES. I've got such a busy day I've got to get a move on. Time to clear out the fridge and junk the perishables that we won't eat by Friday night. Tomorrow the scale WILL read a better number!